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Signs of money issues in your relationship
By Rois Ola
Money can destroy families and friendships. It causes rivalry and even destroys relationships. Couples can have a lot going for them, but when it comes to money, problem arises. Maybe one person chooses not to open up to the other person their true financial status or is hiding debts or embarrassing habits related to finance from their partner.
Some go as far as ensuring there is no financial trace to all their dealings, like deleting alerts, both sms and email, avoiding any financial discussions, spending more than the other person or spending less to deceive the other that they don’t have. Even as far as having heavy investment or property without disclosure. There are many reasons for this. But it’s something that cannot stay hidden forever unfortunately. We have cases where people stayed in rented apartments not knowing the house actually belongs to their spouse. Or business men having huge balances and not letting their spouses know. Secret now comes out upon the death of the wealthy one.
Ideally, financial status should not matter when relationships are involved because what we are trying to preach here is financially transparency. A lot of people have bad experiences which have made them to stop. You may be madly in love with someone, but please have it in mind that when you get serious, you’re joining your financial statuses together, no matter how good or bad the status is. So you need to love with your eyes open and medulla oblongata intact.
So my question is why are you arguing with your spouse about money? You are definitely not alone. When you put together partners and money side by side, you will surely have days where how money is spent becomes an issue will let loose, arguments on how much to spend to buy food for the house and someone is requesting for a pair of shoes or Gucci hand bag or human hair costing the same with a plot of land. Do you know money is one of the major issues people in relationships fight about? It sometimes can lead to a serious breach in communication and if not handled well, end up in divorce.
Trying to merge your life and that of your spouse, especially in relation to money is not easy. It is a continuous work in progress as each individual has their own perspective. Here are a few mistakes couples make when it comes to their money and relationships and possible ways to avoid or handle them. The truth is talking about money with your partner is the key to handling the issues before they even come. Before settling down with anyone ask the necessary questions.
Cheating your partner and spending on the side man or side chick
Any type of affair, same sex or otherwise, can destroy a relationship. And when the wayward partner has been running up bills, no matter how small, it is with some side chick or side cock, side goat or whatever they are called these days, this will only worsen the issue that is if you are both patient and strong enough. You will need to get counselling or have a serious heart to heart talk with each other. This is not easy at all, but it can work, if you are committed. Nobody plans to cheat, sometimes it crawls up on you and overtakes you, which is why even in relationships one needs to be emotionally intelligent so you don’t get sucked into what will hurt your spouse, guard your heart and thoughts jealously.
From a financial aspect, the erring partner going forward needs to be transparent the person who betrayed their partner would have to be willing to make all financial transactions transparent, what this implies is that you will have to willingly inform you partner on all financial transactions and discuss on what you spend, thereby making you financially and emotionally accountable.
Hiding your debts
This, I am so sure, will not be news to you, while you may not be doing this, you will at least know one or two people doing this. Why? Because it is a common situation amongst friends, family and people in relationships. Hiding debt is not just keeping mum about the money, it also shows that there are fundamental issues of trust amongst couples who experience this.
It may be difficult to discuss this particular one, but you have to start it anyway. So the first step is to not judge, shout or make the person feel worse. Let your statements always have “we” so that they know you are interested in helping them sort it out, as long as she or she is not a chronic debtor, in that case immediate counsel is needed.
Giving money to either family member
This is another issue with trust. Sometimes family members come up with business ideas and ask you to get involved. Sometimes they come asking for money all the time and you keep giving, even at the detriment of your own needs and those of your spouse or immediate family needs. A toxic relationship can erupt here, as one spouse will be forced to take sides or quarrel with family because of money not being paid back. At the end of the day, it boils down to who you perceive to be right or wrong.
It is still possible to fix trust between two people, though a difficult thing to accomplish, as one may need to create boundaries. You will have to accompany your spouse as a team with one voice and tell them (family) how you feel and what they need to do to rectify the situation. This will clear the air and let family know that you have a unified front and destroy any doubts anyone has been experiencing or feeling. Also any misconception on repayment needs to be cleared and put in the open. You may not recover the loan, but at least will have been put in proper perspective and ensure it doesn’t happen again. I wish you all the best.
Signs of money issues in your relationship